yo.  life is hard and then you die.  right?!?!  lately that is how it feels.  i know i am like a broken record talking about lose or my dad-but no one told me it would suck this much...wait...lots of people did-i just didn't believe i was in the category of not being able to handle it.  i can truly say that i have always championed hard things.  i could pretty much tattoo the frequented phrase "we do hard things" to my lower back until the past 6 months.  there are a lot of things you learn about yourself when you go through a poop storm.  first and foremost all of your qualities-good and bad come out when you are vulnerable.  you truly become the "natural man" as you try to survive the great mind swamp of emotion.  i appreciate the friends and family who have just shown up and shut up and let me be me with no judgement-means a lot.  my husband is a hero.  the blonde hurricane known as me has been his burden to bear.  i am like a pregnant woman on crack-crying-laughing-crying-wanting to be alone-get me some chocolate...but i'm not pregnant.  :)  BUT for the 2 of you reading this KNOW that it gets better-not as quick as i want it to..but baby steps...i am really enjoying my two little boys.  it is funny that nolan reminds me so much of my dad and liam is like a little ron-the way they look and act.  there is something peaceful and beautiful about that.  i am also trying to seize the day more as i realize that someday i won't have little kids or kids at all at home.  i am also realizing how truly blessed i am.  5 healthy kids.  4 healthy grandmas. 7 brother and sister in laws. 10 nieces and nephews. LOTS of fantastic cousins.  LOTS of aunts and uncles. 9 amazing brothers and sisters.  1 patient and charismatic husband....life maybe isn't that hard.....