i'm a share-er

remember the girls in high school that would come to parties and be so quiet and absolutely cool about everything?  they would laugh and listen at all the right moments and sit there like jcrew models-demure and just gorgeous.  i wasn't that girl.

i remember coaching myself before going out.  "angie-just laugh at all of the jokes the boys tell.  passively participate.  be cool.  you can be those girls."  i wasn't.  i couldn't make it five minutes.  i would erupt like a volcano telling some "kind of" funny jokes, overly participate and just share everything.

i find myself like this with social media.  i want-so badly-to be that social media participator that only sometimes posts really artistic photos, likes things here and there and just plays it cool-but once again-i can't.  i can't look at the Facebook prompt-"What's on your mind?" and not write anything.  it would be like denying Ms. Bestor in a daily journal writing activity.  i also can't not "like" comments that make me laugh-join conversations that interest me...it is against my very nature.  i am a sucker for it all.

social media was created for people like me.  i am an official social media sucker.  cool or not cool-i love it.  i like it when people comment on my posts-it makes me feel good, funny and validated.  every "like" lifts me up and makes me feel remembered and needed.  i like connecting and reading about other people.  finding in common friends and knowing that you are on a diet, mad at your diet, running every day, pregnant, moving, tired of cleaning the kitchen..or you are just bored and need an outlet.

i apologize for posting too much and putting my life in your face but it is who i am and i can't help it. i share.  i care.  i social media.

:)

yo.  life is hard and then you die.  right?!?!  lately that is how it feels.  i know i am like a broken record talking about lose or my dad-but no one told me it would suck this much...wait...lots of people did-i just didn't believe i was in the category of not being able to handle it.  i can truly say that i have always championed hard things.  i could pretty much tattoo the frequented phrase "we do hard things" to my lower back until the past 6 months.  there are a lot of things you learn about yourself when you go through a poop storm.  first and foremost all of your qualities-good and bad come out when you are vulnerable.  you truly become the "natural man" as you try to survive the great mind swamp of emotion.  i appreciate the friends and family who have just shown up and shut up and let me be me with no judgement-means a lot.  my husband is a hero.  the blonde hurricane known as me has been his burden to bear.  i am like a pregnant woman on crack-crying-laughing-crying-wanting to be alone-get me some chocolate...but i'm not pregnant.  :)  BUT for the 2 of you reading this KNOW that it gets better-not as quick as i want it to..but baby steps...i am really enjoying my two little boys.  it is funny that nolan reminds me so much of my dad and liam is like a little ron-the way they look and act.  there is something peaceful and beautiful about that.  i am also trying to seize the day more as i realize that someday i won't have little kids or kids at all at home.  i am also realizing how truly blessed i am.  5 healthy kids.  4 healthy grandmas. 7 brother and sister in laws. 10 nieces and nephews. LOTS of fantastic cousins.  LOTS of aunts and uncles. 9 amazing brothers and sisters.  1 patient and charismatic husband....life maybe isn't that hard.....

easter.

i am feeling a lot of guilt today.  it has been a helluva day.  not the worst day ever-but not the best day ever.  my boys are sick.  liam's diaper leaked all over my dress during church.  i made dinner for my fam...turkey dinner...and making a turkey is always a stressful experience for me-i'm always worried someone will die of food born illness because i didn't remove the giblets right.  seth is out of town.  my right hand daughter bella is out of town...the guilt part is that i'm feeling frustrated when i am #seriouslysoblessed.  holidays are hard when you lose a loved one.  it feels really "real" on days like today.  i want nothing more than to sit down and chat with my dad....ask him what i should do about certain things-get his steady, fair, and thoughtful advice.  i want someone in my corner again.  BUT in all of this today is an amazing day because He lives.  i think i feel the "guilt" because it truly took me until today to realize the power and joy of the empty tomb.  i saw this picture today and fell in love with it.  i love the looks on the apostles faces as they are running to find that indeed there is life after death and truly the Savior was and is everything they ever believed him to be.  i am grateful for my loving Heavenly Father that he would be brave enough to sacrifice his own son-FOR ME...for everyone.  there are not words to describe the utter reverence and unworthiness i feel for the Savior and the atonement and the gift He has given to each of us personally.  these past few months i have survived by thinking of Him and the fact that He loves me-I am not alone...because as Elder Holland says "because Jesus walked such a long, lonely path utterly alone, we do not have to do so."

     "One of the great consolations of this Easter season is that because Jesus walked such a long, lonely path utterly alone, we do not have to do so."

Hey ya'll (mom).  I know blogs are going the way of the dodo but I really need a place to reflect, record, and process.  I wish I was a better journal writer-I love the "handwriting" aspect but alas I am a super speedy typist.

This last year has been a whirlwind-filled with lots of emotions and crazy ups and downs.  Seth and I were able to be a part of an event called The Color Run.  www.thecolorrun.com  I learned a lot about myself, Seth, other people, and life.  I trust people more AND I trust people less.  This adventure is still on going-but mostly for Seth-as I have decided to just play my mom role.  I really enjoyed visiting different cities, working my butt off...and everything else that encompasses such a large event.

My father also passed away this year.  He was told he had a brain tumor on a Monday, biopsy on a Tuesday and on Friday had a massive cerebral hemorrhage.  He was in a coma for 4 weeks and we decided as a family with his horrible cancer diagnosis plus the damage from his hemorrhage that his quality of life would not be worth it.  I truly had moments of fear that he would wake up and see all the tubes and get super mad at me for letting him be such a burden.  That is what he was most afraid of being.  If he communicated anything to me the week of his biopsy it was that he did not want to burden anyone.  I like to think that his quick departure was granting his wish as a reward for a life well-lived.  I am a relatively strong person on the outside but when I'm alone and I think about my sweet father and never hearing his voice or seeing his face in this life-my heart breaks.  What I would give for a phone call and to hear him call me "Dex" again....I am forever grateful for the testimony I have of the Gospel and the blessings of the Temple.

I also had a baby this year.  William Jay King.  He is the easiest baby in the world and I love him to pieces.  I love my patient kids who have truly buoyed me up with this crazy and hectic time.  Isabella turned 12 and joined me in Young Women.  Sophia continues to wow us with her art and amazing intellect.  Carson LOVES football and definitely has the Boyle OCD with all things sports.  Nolan is as cute as can be and I can't resist him....I am wrapped around his finger.

This new year feels stressful but great.  I am excited to shift gears and enjoy more time doing things with my kids.  That being said here are my goals:

1.  Sweat every day....like you "have to take a shower sweat".
2.  Temple. I know how much but I'm going to keep that to myself.

Just 2 goals.  Kind of random but if I can master those 2 I think things will work out right.

goals and stuff

so i usually make specific goals in different categories but even though i did a little better last year i think i am going to try a new method. i am just going to write a good old list of goals. i think it will help for me to post them-it will make me feel more accountable...so in random order.....
1. eat more whole foods, less refined sugar, if any.
2. online scrapbook for my kids and family
3. take more pictures/video, edit it/them
4. run a marathon
5. become financially fit
6. start a project blog (i know there are a million, but it will help me be creative/finish projects, etc)
7. communicate better with my spouse :)
8. play with my kids better
9. wake up early every day
10.be on time, organized, and better prepared
11. temple, scriptures, family prayer, fhe-never miss
12. perform more

i can do those 12! 2010 was a great year for our family but 2011 is going to be even better. our family motto for the year is "The Year of the Kings"...a little presumptuous but it truly will be just that! happy new year!

issues are fun

okay let's start off by saying i haven't really read too much about the issue i'm going write about but after all of the status posts and email forwards i really have to ask, what the heck is wrong with a little pat down at the airport? i am kind of shocked by the backlash. i guess i work for an airline so i am a little biased but i just don't understand. when i board an aircraft, i want to be safe. i want my kids to be safe and if that means they do a pat down-so be it. i remember going through security when we were coming home from europe and an intoxicated man in front of me was freaking out because he had to take off his shoes. are terrorists going to try to shoe bomb on aircraft again? probably not-but lets check people's shoe's to make sure. i saw the video of the "child" and the tsa employee and it honestly looked like a simple pat down made difficult by a child throwing a tantrum. security isn't fun for anyone. even without the "pat down" my kids throw tantrums, there isn't a happy train to take them through to the gate with a clown and balloons. its about safety. i highly doubt tsa officials had a meeting and thought, "how can we make everyone uncomfortable coming through security?...also i would love for children to be violated in the process! that's a golden idea." seriously people. i just want to be safe.

xoxo

ang.

ballet princess.

poor sophie. finally after learning to do a cartwheel on her own and skipping every where she goes i decided to put her in dance. today was her first day and she wanted me to take these pictures.

ps is it weird that i think her cartwheels are the cutest thing ever? she looks like an umpalompa. (sp?)

stay away agents! he's taken!

so seth was in a play and had his first speaking role. i was really nervous to see him in his novice performance but he was AMAZING! he really did steal the show. i am really proud/jealous that it came so easy to him! you were awesome seth! we love you!

note to self: why do i smile like i still have braces? i should show off my pearly whites!

this is the only picture i took on faux halloween night...

....it rained and my hands were cold. carson ran off with the neighborhood boys and nolan was in the stroller. sophia's costume was probably the highlight of the year for me. she was going to be a vampire but at the last moment changed to a.....kind of can't say it on the blog. she called herself a movie star but i thought she looked more like a....(can't say it on the blog)

school halloween

Isabella eating a donut on a string. I volunteered to do that game for her class. I'm sure the janitor's are writing me thank you notes this very moment.
Sophia figured out how to win.
our neighbor napoleon. he did the napoleon face the whole weekend. he never broke character.
bella and ella. bff's in the now and caveperson days.
neighbor swimmer. probably foreshadowing his future as a high school swimmer like older brother.
the world's most amazing clown and again neighbor.
our neighbor who saved his own money for a real byu football helmet. true fan.
carson, plugging his ears so he can't hear me tell him what a handsome ninja he is.
just our friendly neighborhood avatar. amazing.
50's girl and supergirl (aka nolan's favorite human ever)
go #6!
don't even get me started on what sophia "is". she changed costumes last minute.
a cute little lady bug and new big sister! we love chico!
a knight in shining armor!

i think halloween is my favorite crazy @#! holiday. (modern family) it really is the best. i especially love the school parade. i love cheering on my neighborhood peeps. i didn't put names for fear their parents didn't want their names published on my nationally acclaimed blog.

annual pumpkin carving....

uncle eric has kind of started the tradition of carving pumpkins with us every year...it almost didn't happen due to my lack of gusto this halloween season but we pulled through. it was a great night of baseball and pumpkins. sophia also got a pretend mouse from school and we couldn't resist doing a photo shot. nolan also loves fire. a pyro is born!

when you're the umpire of your son's game....

it can be kind of difficult.....when we showed up for carson's last game of the year there was no 12-year-old umpire to be found...( he probably knew i was going to punch him in the face)....and as fate would have it seth was the only one who could do it. seth had to call a strike out on carson and the other team won. i am sure it was really hard for seth when i had to punch him in the face. c'est la via.

weird science

sophia had a mini science fair for her class. maybe by the time nolan is in school we will be better at science fair projects. we learned about how water travels through plants (celery). she is such a cutie! A+